January 11, 2002: Open Lines - If You Were God
Callers offer a wide range of responses, from instituting a universal language and eliminating the seven deadly sins to granting all humans telepathy or logical thinking. One caller suggests making all creatures vegetarian, while another proposes that God should simply show up every five years and perform an undeniable miracle. Art challenges each answer, pointing out unintended consequences and paradoxes, noting that removing free will or suffering could strip existence of meaning.
Between calls, Art reads humorous true crime stories about spectacularly dim criminals, shares news about Taliban prisoners heading to Guantanamo Bay, discusses the Enron scandal's Watergate-like momentum, and speculates about the implications of quantum computing for time travel. The evening reveals as much about human nature as it does about theology.
Key Moments
The 'If You Were God' question is posed: After last week's 'if you were the devil' show, Art puts the inverse to the audience with a twist: not what would you do as God, but what would you do differently.
Quantum computers and the time-travel argument: Art reads news that IBM has built a quantum computer and argues it could operate in multiple dimensions, putting time travel within reach. He revives the 'where are the time travelers' question.
Ramona eats a live termite in Africa: Art tells the story of his and Ramona's African safari, where she accepted an invitation to crunch a giant live termite between her teeth, and the termite took a piece of her tongue first.
Caller insists 'God is perfect, nothing to change': Denise from Oregon refuses to name anything she'd do differently, arguing the question is moot because God is already perfect. Art rules her answer disqualified and presses the rule of the game.
Caller would clarify God's message and reveal other intelligent life: Marcia from Van Buren, Arkansas, says as creator she would deliver a personal, unambiguous message ending denominational disputes, and make clear humans are far from the only intelligent life she'd created.